


Calvin and the Jungle Cat

by Chippy_Boi



Series: The ChippyVerse {Title a WIP} [1]
Category: Calvin & Hobbes, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: nah not really mate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:15:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22323931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chippy_Boi/pseuds/Chippy_Boi
Summary: Calvin went to Ilvermorny.He got expelled.He went to Fifty State - he got expelled.Now he's at Hogwarts, with Hobbes, who can actually be seen by everyone now.He thinks it's all going to be plain sailing, but will it?
Series: The ChippyVerse {Title a WIP} [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1606849
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10





	Calvin and the Jungle Cat

Chapter 1  
Spaceman Spiff was led into the room, fully in the knowledge it could be the last door he ever walked through. He, alongside his tiger compadre, was to be debriefed by the alien leaders of Zantorg 3, and then dipped in hot sulphuric lava like a churro. Spiff was quite the fan of churros, yet he did not want to become one for a slug being that looked like Tamatoa. However, the Zantorgians didn’t have a clue about the tactic up his sleeve. A stunning superhero such as himself had no necessity to wear briefs. 

“Calvin!” the grotesque alien leader boomed with an intimidating threat.

“That’ll be ‘Spiff to you’, Malformed wretch.” Spiff retorted, struggling to free himself of the invisible ties that kept him face to face with literal hell.

“You are here for a reason, ‘Spiff’, and a serious one at that.” The alien reared its ugly head, and glared right into the soul of Spiff, dripping grey ooze onto his new uniform. 

“And what might that be, vile being?” Spiff tried to keep his squirming to a minimum. He didn’t want the monstrous creature alerted to his movements. 

“You have been found guilty on one count of permanent object animation, and 3 counts of assault through said animated object.” 

The tiger spoke up this time. “I don’t like your use of the term ‘object’, I much prefer the term ‘revitalised being’.”

“Due to this, we are expelling you from our site, never to return.” During this, it waved its slimy tentacle about, ending with a direct slap on the top of Spiff’s head. It recoiled. Spiff had never mentioned anywhere about his hair being so spiky that it was known to pierce through even the toughest skins. He often referred to his hair as ‘The Mutilator of Certain and Inevitable Doom’. Anyway, not the time to think about it. He was free of the spell. Spiff immediately started sprinting to the door, the tiger in tow.   
“Oh yeah? Not if you catch me!” He yelled, as he crashed through the halls of the alien fort, knocking over many of the workers like he would do at Grimzard-67’s infamous ‘Taco Tuesday’ Bowling nights. His amazing skills had prevented him from being debriefed, and he felt extremely relieved to have not undergone it. His faithful ship, docked outside, carried him and his tiger away, never to return. 

6 Months Later

Calvin stood at the platform for platform 9¾. “Finally, somewhere big enough for my ego.” He thought. He was waiting for a place that he could describe as such. The queues of No-Maj’s outside were monstrous, stretching for what seemed to be endless miles. The tea was brutally pallid and untasteful. Calvin never understood the concept of tea. Who would want to drink a leaf soaked in hot water? The British were weird, as he had heard from the multiple students at Ilvermorny who had ended up on the wrong side of him. He also wondered why nobody cared for him running at a pillar at top speed to enter where he was. It was a novel concept, to say the least. The fact that the public were unaware of this could only mean one thing. He was in a movie, and he was the main role. Or was he? There were multiple students doing exactly the same thing as him. Despite the overwhelming fear that he was not the fulcrum of this universe, he could rely on his tiger buddy. Hobbes was there, spouting his undying wisdom and scaring all the other first-years that were there.

“Remember your P’s and Q’s Calvin. We’re in Britain. They all drink tea and eat crumpets and queue a lot. Your tricks may not work here.” He articulated his sentences via his hand movements, resulting in the other first years hiding behind their trolleys.

“I’m a second year entering first year Hobbes, I have an undying wisdom that none of the other students have. I’m going to be THE Harry Potter to them. They shall worship me.” Hobbes gave a look of disapproval at this. 

“Yes, because you obviously were secluded as a child with no friends.” Hobbes’ face was snarled, sending the first-years to hide behind the furthest pillars possible, faces frozen in pure horror of watching a fellow student seemingly about to get devoured by a tiger.

“and you too Hobbes. They’ll worship us both.” Hobbes’ face became less…. predatory. The first-years, yet still hesitant, started to come out of their hiding spaces.

“Oi Spiky! Are you that egotistical or are all Americans that way?” A snarky cockney voice yelled.  
Calvin turned around to meet a girl, who appeared to be his polar opposite. If Susie Derkins was the dark to his light, she would have been the end of the universe to his supernova. Great. Another girl for Hobbes to bully him about. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I said, Are. You. That. Egotistical. Or. Are. All. Americans. That. Way?” Shoving her finger into the centre of Calvin’s chest.

“I don’t know, this my first time here.” He was, unusually, not as forthright as he usually was. This girl was… unique. Different.

“That’s a typically American thing to say, Spiky.” 

Calvin shuffled. “Are you a first year?” Calvin was cautious to ask, as he wanted to not have his head ripped off.

“That I am. You’re second?” She stood there, hand on her hip as if she was annoyed at Calvin for not doing the washing up as she asked.

“Nope. Restarting first as I got unfairly expelled from Ilvermorny and Fifty-State.”

“Fair enough.” She seemed to lighten up a bit. Or tense up. Calvin really couldn’t tell what this girl was doing. “I’m only here because I’m the headmistress’ daughter. Name’s Sonia.”

“I’m Calvin. He’s Hobbes.” Hobbes gave a smile he thought to be cute but came off to be a tad creepy. Calvin smirked a little bit. He now had something to bully Hobbes over.

“Oh, you’re THAT kid.” The ‘THAT’ was especially pronounced. As if she wanted him to know he was not capable of anything.

Calvin was feeling angered now. “what do you mean, THAT kid? How can animating a tiger be worthy of a THAT? That is Tiger-ist, Sonia!”

“Sorry Spiky! Train’s arrived, and that means meeting people without apex predators!” She gave the two of them a flick of her hair, which struck an unsuspecting first-year in the face, toppling the poor boy into his trolley, and carted her stuff onto the rear carriage of the train.

Hobbes piped up at this point. “Apex? Apex? APEX? I’d like to show that young lady how ‘apex’ I am!” he had gone back into his predatory manner. The first years started to pile into the train with much haste, wary of their lives.

“Calm it Hobbes, we don’t want a Mess hall incident again do we?”  
Hobbes, disgruntled, sat on the trolley with a noticeable grunt, and they boarded the train, not knowing what they were heading in for.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys.  
> (cue the awkward author notes by a newbie)  
> i hope you enjoyed this!  
> This is just the beginning, i have many other stories in the works surrounding this universe that i hope will be even better than this!  
> that being said, have a good day!


End file.
